:: finding my smiles::

the animals at the singapore zoo were cranky lately:

• last sunday, a jaguar had escaped from its cage;
• on monday, a civet cat bit attacked a chinese tourist during a show; and
• today, it is reported that 2 sundays ago, a 1.70m long gavial, a kind of crocodile, attacked a zoo-keeper.

my animals insticts are the same too, for i have been very moody the whole of this week. i didn't realized it until a colleague remarked that i looked very 'sian' or bored and grouchy, nabeh!

i guess that i have not been smiling at all for the past few days - and i didn't like to feel this way.

so, i tried to find the old aGentX and i went to east coast park to rollerblade last tuesday and to the library yesterday, as those are among the activities which i have indulged pretty regularly in the past.

skating and reading have made me happy on many occassions before....


:: just me and shadows at ECP::

however, those activities did not make me happy, for some strange reasons...

while roller-blading, i realised how quiet and dreadful the east coast park, its many chalets and food outlets have become (or maybe, it was a weekeday)...

when i was young and so much younger than today...hehehe, i remembered how exciting it was to be whenever i make that special trip to ECP -- for barbeques, parties at the chalets, cycling, swimming...you name it...i would always be anxiously looking forward to them...

it striked me how uninteresting and dull ECP has become to me! (i am not going to correlate that with the tourism industry here anymore....i don't care). and the only thing that is still full of activities between carpark A to G of the ECP was the hawker center, and many patrons are non-tourists, 'nuff said.

it was altogether a completely different experience at the library, it was relatively quiet (which is good), but my real intention yesterday was to return my long overdue book and to settle all these outstanding fines and reservation charges. just then, i glanced to a shelf and this book caught my attention "repacking your bags" by Richard Leider and David Shapiro.

what interest me to this book is the fact that it tries to answer to the question "does all this make you happy?"

in Forbes magazine 75th anniversary issue, it has devoted the entire magazine to the question "why do we feel so bad...when we have it so good?" i hope to find the answers for that question too.

living day in and out has resulted in a preconfigured packaged which is formatted for easy consumption to the idea of lifestyle. lifestyle now relates to the things that we buy -- someone else's idea of what we need to be happy. but is anyone really satisfied with these mass-marketed idea of happiness? is anyone realy nourished by a McLifestyle? i am certainly not.

sounds deep? in short, people have always judged one's happiness by the the outer appearance or measure of success....ie: material needs. but look around. most of us are no longer consumed with consumption, hardly anyone still believes that the 'most toys' win.

for me, accumulation is no longer the name of the game -- myfriends and colleagues are now asking, "what really matters?" "how much is enough?" and "what is the good life and how can i live it?"


like my singapore, i need to reinvent myself, simply because, i think i am getting dull and uninteresting anymore, i reckon.. many of us have worked hard our entire careers, until when it reaches a point, usually about middle age, when we examine our lives and say, "Hey! is this all there is? when does the fun start?"

i do not wish to wait until then...and i hope this book and some attitude adjustments will help me to re-find my smiles again.

i'm getting rather philosophical lately, but with all said and done, i am leaving to bali tomorrow, just a short weekend runaway. i need to getaway, and its a timely and appropriate break.

yeah, i know..just when i thought i would never visit to any resort or beach holidays anymore this year...

why bali? since being a tourist is always much appreciated than a local, perhaps....
coincidentally, remember the sari club which was bombed by the terrorist? when it was hip, it had 'no locals policy', and that was why it was an easy target for those lunatics...

recent events have perhaps made me to frown more than to smile and i hope that when i return, i will be able to smile again, just like i did back there at kuta beach, bali, during christmas 2001...



wish me luck. y'all... and its getting late and i have still have yet to pack my bag....cheers and see you when i return..