Wednesday, July 25, 2007

:: is ONE really a lonely number? ::

i got to know a fella singaporean, well he discovered me online somehow.

he's doing his PhD on a scholarship and internship in a large pharmaceutical company here. i told him that his life is pretty good - considering by singapore's 'elite' interpretation - scholarship, foreign talent, a PhD at the end of his name, guarantee with a great job later on, etc etc...etc.

i have never met him in person, just online chats. so, while not trying to be judgmental, all i can say is - despite what perceived to be having-it-all, he is not a happy chap!

chatting with him is always a depressing affair - he would tell me about how lonely he is (not only in netherlands, but also back home in singapore), how he has to fulfill everyone's expectations (family/friends/employer, well...basically the society in general), and how he has to play the 'acting game' doing things which he hated (like dating, or going out with friends).

my encouragement to him is that he should probably ask himself, what does he really like to do?

but here is the irony: in everything possible combinations of the things that he likes to do, he will be truly happy only if he is doing it with other words, he can't be happy all by himself!

he thinks that i am lucky - because i do have a rather large network of friends everywhere, and but that sheer logic, i'm having lots of fun because of that.

but excuse moi, but i do enjoy doing things alone all by myself too....many times over, in fact.

whether or not i am in (or out) of any relationships, i have always belief that nobody owes you your own happiness - but your own. well, i learn that the hard way, after the breakup of my first ever serious relationship years ago (but that was another story).

ever since then - i have always enjoyed traveling alone, meeting new faces, making new friends, having a nice cuppa with strangers, reading a nice book by the beach/at the balcony/cafes/pool, solitary walks while listening to iPods, doing ridiculous shopping totally on impulse and spending lots of money in the process, having Sumoki lying next to me, driving alone and singing out loud and cursing at stupid drivers and road users...and the list is growing!

having to share it with someone is good, but not having it is also good. i like to see it when couples are doing their separate thing - while in the same space (like suntanning by the pool, each with his/her own books/iPods - no conversations necessary, just the presence of each other). we all are humans with our most intimate needs and we need to do it alone. it does not make that you love the other person less, its the understanding that we all need our own space.

i can preach until the cows come home to my 'newly online acquaintance' but until he discovers this by himself - he will be forever looking at the wrong part of the equation: that is being happy is not a solo game.

solitary lovin' tonight anyone? hehehe...

1 comment:

happyamsguy said...

I am with you. A relationship is the icing on the cake. You need a strong sturdy cake first to put the icing on. People who rely on their partner to be happy will never find happiness.