Wednesday, November 14, 2007

:: i'll be lonely another day ::

if i am given a kiss everytime i have forgotten how cold the dutch autumn can be, i guess every inch of my skin will be covered - at least 100 times over!
as i was cycling home from work today, i regretted not wearing enough warm clothing - a prada-like overcoat which i bought in hong kong was indeed fashionable and felt and looked it, but it was not warm enough for this turbulent harsh cold wind in the hague.

feeling a lot of self-pity and cursing myself for not having my gloves with me (my hands were freezing and almost felt numb)....the music in my iPod (the same song that is imbedded here) didn't help in shaking this bleak, dark and hollow feeling inside me.

i suddenly felt.....very, very......lonely.

it was not yet 6 pm but the darkness in the streets was unbearable. the more i think about this loneliness, the more miserable i have become. despite the cold, i deviated the route home to my favourite take-away chinese dinner, and think about suddenness about this lonely-fear-factor.

i decided i must blog about this.

as i was going through my mind about this topic, i remembered that i wrote about 'is one really a lonely number?'

the more about i think about it, i realized i am feeling less and less lonely. i started to think about all those things that i have always wanted to do - like the books that I've bought, going to the gym, errands like re-arranging my wardrobe, etc etc.

it is strange. because when i first started thinking about it, i longed about having a companion tonight, someone who is real and warm.

as i am writing this, i do not see that need of having anyone tonight - when there are many other things that i can and will do - like reading my much overdue magazines which are piling up next to my bed.

i think i will do that, despite being a bit cynical if whether i am avoiding my inner emotion about being lonely.

i guess i'll be lonely another day, and will not turn down any coffee or drinks request from new friends that i am going to make.

ta-da, x!

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